Post by Drachona on Jan 4, 2016 22:39:55 GMT -6
This is a separate document I wrote around a year ago. It's a bit long.
My Personal Belief
I am a werewolf because it is my belief. This does not make my belief true solely because I believe it, but it is real to me due to life experiences that have led me to this conclusion. I would also add that this conclusion was not a desire, but a psychological necessity; something that my subconscious bothered me with until I accepted it as a part of who and what I am. To want to be so different suggests either insecurity or insanity. To feel and, by experience, be so different suggests some level of legitimacy as long as the individual who experiences that “difference” is sane. For the record, I am sane. I say this for two basic reasons that are a matter of fact, not opinion. Firstly, I participated in counseling at the age of 16 due to a suggestion by friends of my mother (who are also friends of mine). They were concerned when they discovered my belief, and I agreed to see a psychologist out of personal curiosity; a quest for self-knowledge. After a few sessions that lasted over a period of only a few months, I finally expressed my belief to the psychologist, not surprised to be met with disbelief. She seemed uneasy about it, viewable even through her need to maintain her professional composure. Not long after that, the psychologist called in another psychologist to help with giving me tests such as the Rorschach ink-blot test and the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory-Adolescent (MMPI-A) test. Some of the results included shocking conclusions such as “His profile suggested that he is strongly guided by his emotions, much more so than logic-reasoning.”; surely an uncommon trait of teenagers. However, the ultimate conclusion, after clearly stating that there is nothing wrong with me, was that there must be something wrong with me. So, the psychological report ends with the suggestion that I may have emerging “schizotypal personality disorder”; essentially a low-level version of schizophrenia. Although not an impossibility, the diagnosis is questionable when it has criteria such as “Preoccupation with paranormal phenomena/superstition outside of the norm of one’s culture” and “Unusual perceptual experiences…” that include seeing “UFO’s”. In other words, a sign of mental imbalance is the belief in things that psychology chooses to deem impossible or nonexistent.
Even if this diagnosis were accurate, it fails to take one factor into consideration that has become more prominent with time. This leads me to my second argument for sanity: my ability to function in society. As I write this, I am a 21 year-old student about to go into my second (and, ideally, final) year of my Master’s education. I have a mate, who I have been with for over three years, a good relationship with both my parents and my family in general, and close relationships with other students in my program (what has been deemed the Anthropological “cohort”). Insanity, although more of a legal term than a psychological one, is suggested by an inability to function in society. For a group to survive, it must be cohesive, and significant deviance from societal expectations and rules can threaten that cohesion. However, as should be obvious, I do function well in society and pose no threat to group cohesion. Any argument to the contrary would require some claim of an insanity that is functional rather than problematic, if such a thing even exists. One would think that functional deviance and abnormalities are what we call “individuality” or “agency”.
In addition to it being my personal belief that I am a werewolf, a combination of my behavior and even appearances have convinced others that I might be such a creature. It is significantly beneficial to my argument that I function well in society when my parents, my mate, and few friends are aware of this belief and, due to how I logically and straightforwardly handle the situation, have no problem believing it. This does not mean that it was ever accepted immediately and without question, but my arguments and behaviors seem to have both proven my sanity as well as proven the possibility that my belief is correct. Indeed, I have received more dog jokes from friends in my life than I have received criticisms for my belief. At the very least, this is because being a werewolf does not interfere with my ability to be a college student or have a job, friends, family, etc. It also does not change any relationships between others and I unless they have a problem with it. In addition, an argument that I am not a werewolf would require an alternative explanation that covers any behavioral and physical abnormalities, my own personal “sense” that I believe guided me to a natural conclusion about myself, and all dreams/nightmares on the subject of werewolves and wolves that were in great number upon my realization that I was a werewolf but have become almost nonexistent as I have come to accept and understand it more. So far, there is no alternative. Thus, my belief is most likely true because the scale of possibility is weighed down by evidence (although little that is highly conclusive) on the positive side.
The Physical Side
I believe that the physical transformation of a werewolf from a human-like form to a wolf-like form is possible. At the very least, it is my belief. At the very most, it is a scientific possibility that has yet to be disproven and, because of the Debunking Paradox, could not be easily disproven, if at all. If werewolves exist (which they most likely do), if I am one, and if the physical transformation does occur, then that would suggest it is possible for me. This is far from conclusive, but one likelihood suggests others that are directly tied to the first. More conclusively, it has become apparent that I possess certain small physical abnormalities that contribute to a somewhat stereotypical image of a werewolf. Of course, I leave unibrows and the lengths of fingers out of this, but I will focus on very particular things that seem to be “tethers” to a more wolf-like anatomy (note that some of these are also ties to human ancestry). The existence of things such as Darwin’s tubercle (a bump on the inside of the ear that is remnant of having more pointed ears), proportionately smaller hands or disproportionately small fingers compared to palms, sharper teeth (primarily molars), small but easily noticeable gaps (diastemata) behind the lower canines that allow greater space for upper canines, fast keratin growth (in both hair and nails), coarse hair, higher center of gravity than is common for humans (leads to problems with balance), comparatively higher tolerance for pain, and heightened senses. The last aspect is somewhat unspecific, and I want to clarify that I do not suggest the kind of intensity that is often described in movies and television. I do not claim to hear “for miles” or be able to smell alcohol on a person hours after they have been drinking (specifically referencing the role of Jack Nicholson in the 1994 film Wolf). However, I have often been complemented on my sense of sight, and I often point out smells or sounds that others beside me do not notice due to the scent’s subtlety. Simply stating this is not really evidence that works towards my case, but I await any alternative explanations for my sensitivity. Pretending to have heightened senses, while having them is often seen as “cool” or “beneficial”, does not really have any benefits. I do not lie about it because that lie, I believe, would not do anything positive for me. If anything, it would alienate me. Furthermore, I seem to recognize my sensitivity as more of an annoyance than anything else, due to my distaste for strongly-seasoned foods, the sickening feeling of a strong scent (especially perfume or products like Axe), the pain of both loud sounds and even the slightest high-pitch jingling of a metal bracelet, or the fact that I am very ticklish and that fact has been taken advantage of. None of these things are actually bad, but my point is that heightened senses are not something “cool” to have. As with being a werewolf in general, most people would find that the movies, books, and television shows forget to mention the difficulties of being a werewolf in human society.
The Fact of Existence
In my mind, there is one very important fact that cannot be ignored in my situation or the situations of any others who believe they are werewolves or similar creatures. That fact is that the existence of the idea suggests a level of realness. What I mean by this is that, if the idea appeared in my mind when it does not appear in the minds of the general public, then there must be a reason for its appearance. Current psychology might suggest that the reason is some imbalance due to insecurity or an inability to deal with some trauma, etc. However, as far as I or anyone else knows, I do not have a mental imbalance. And, if I am not mentally imbalanced, then the only other explanation is that my belief is, to some extent, true. There must be some real basis to my belief. Otherwise, it would not have come to my mind and persisted for so long, much to the confusion of those who would like to explain it away. Essentially, it cannot be as simple as nothing. The belief would not appear without some stimulus or stimuli. This does not mean that the reason for my belief is that it is true, but it does automatically suggest some level of realness. And so, as I said, if we accept that the two basic explanations are that my belief is correct (to whatever extent) or that I have some sort of mental imbalance that is causing me to have a false belief/perception, then we must also accept that my ability to function in society as well as a lack of signs of insanity or harmful abnormality give no support to the latter conclusion. The most likely explanation, then, is that I am a werewolf in a way that explains existent aspects of my anatomy, behavior, and psychology which are abnormal and commonly tied to the subject of werewolves.
This whole document does not prove what I am, but it does make a case based on a lack of alternative explanations. Without anything to scientifically counter my belief, and taking what I call the “fact of existence” into account, there must be some real basis for my belief and the idea that I am a werewolf remains the most likely explanation. More importantly, that belief does not cause me or anyone else harm, and so it is neither a physical nor a psychological necessity that an alternative explanation be found or that I be treated for my “condition”.
